


Selfishness Is Asking Someone To Live Like You

by handsonmyeyes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Engagement, Established Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Established Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Post-Canon, Victor Nikiforov is Lev's uncle bc I love that hc, no direct homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:26:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24485830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handsonmyeyes/pseuds/handsonmyeyes
Summary: Kenma and Lev are friends that don't always see things from each other's perspective. Ten years after high school, when Lev and Yaku announce their engagement, the subject of marriage becomes a controversial conversation amongst the former teammates. Choice words are exchanged that leave both couples with personal doubts and insecurities over the integrity of their love.
Relationships: Haiba Lev & Yaku Morisuke, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sad headcanon that I've been thinking about for a while and finally had the courage to write (this is my first fanfic so I hope it's okay ahh).

Kenma wakes with rays of sun in his eyes like he did most mornings. Retracting from the light, he turns to the other side of the bed, reaching out instinctively for his boyfriend. Kuroo tends to be affectionate in the early hours, so Kenma expects at least twenty minutes of cuddling before he has to get up. His eyes blink open tiredly, and the blonde is disappointed to find no one in bed next to him. Kenma sits up with a scowl, his eyes searching the room for Kuroo, but finding no one. 

As he contemplates leaving the comfort of his sheets, he hears a faint laugh and chatter coming from outside their shut bedroom door. Grumbling, Kenma slinks out of bed, wrapping the duvet around himself as he heads to the door. The way Kuroo is speaking, the smaller man guesses that his boyfriend is talking to someone in the other room. Kenma hopes that it’s only a phone call, not wanting to deal with any social interaction this early in the morning.

“Yes, I already texted him, mom,” Kuroo’s voice says cheerfully as Kenma steps out of the bedroom and into the main room of their apartment. The taller man is standing in the kitchenette, his head turning towards Kenma as he shuffles out of the bedroom. He shoots the blonde a quick grin before going back to his previous actions. He’s standing in front of the stove, hair askew in its characteristic “bed-head” fashion, and no doubt cooking breakfast for the two of them. He is wearing that God-awful bikini apron Bokuto had gifted him a few years back for his twenty-fifth birthday. Kenma had tried to secretly throw out that gag-gift on so many occasions he’d lost count by now, but Kuroo always seemed to pick it out of the garbage as fast as he would throw it away. The shorter man makes a mental note to stuff the apron in some cupboard once he gets Kuroo out of it.

“I was so shocked,” the somewhat garbled voice of Kuroo’s mother speaks through the speaker of his phone, which is sitting on the kitchen countertop. Phone call, thank God. It wasn’t that Kenma didn’t like Kuroo’s mom, he loved Kuroo’s family. He just didn’t want to have to exchange niceties on this particular morning. Kuroo’s mother was a very honest woman, which Kenma guessed was where his boyfriend got that trait from. She was similar to Kuroo in a lot of ways; she was tall, had cropped black hair, and was absolutely whipped for her partner.

“Was yesterday a special anniversary for them or something?” A second voice asks over the phone, belonging to Aya. Kuroo’s second mom, Ayame, had married into their family when Kuroo was pretty young. She was very soft-spoken, mild-mannered, and often helped Kenma with his extreme shyness as a child. Being raised by two queer parents, Kuroo’s household had been a safe haven for the long-haired man growing up. Kenma’s family wasn’t homophobic, but seeing Kuroo’s moms’ in such a loving relationship helped Kenma come to terms with his sexuality faster than he ever could have without their presence. 

“I can’t remember, but hold on a second,” Kuroo says to the phone before muting his side of the call and turning to Kenma. The long-haired man drags his feet to where Kuroo is standing, resting his face against the taller man’s shoulder for a moment. 

“Good morning,” Kuroo grins down at his boyfriend, who grumbles a similar greeting back at him. The black-haired man chuckles, pulling Kenma’s face up towards his for a quick kiss, which Kenma prolongs as compensation for a lack of morning cuddles. Kuroo pulls back first, pecking his boyfriend on the cheek one last time before turning his attention back to the stove.

“Do you want blueberries in your pancakes?” The taller man asks, pouring more batter into the pan. Kenma looks at the stove and the quickly growing stack of pancakes neighboring it. He guesses that Kuroo must be in a good mood this morning. The blonde shrugs in response to the question, to which Kuroo responds by tossing a healthy handful of blueberries into the pan. He mutters a quick “fruit is good for you” as he flips the pancake onto the other side. He clicks the mute button off on the phone with his other hand as he does this.

“Alright, I’m back,” Kuroo says to the phone, motioning for Kenma to take a seat at their sectional in the living room. Kenma doesn’t mind doing this, curling up on the couch in his blanket and grabbing his switch off of their coffee table. Kuroo’s mom asks something over the phone but Kenma doesn’t hear what it is as he turns on the gaming device.

“Yeah, I didn’t see the post until I woke up this morning,” Kuroo admits, shuffling to grab some ingredients from the pantry. “I will say your call took me by surprise, I thought we were having a family emergency or something.”

“Oh, sorry about that, dear,” Aya’s voice apologizes over the receiver. “We were just so excited! Are you going to call Yaku today?”

“Yeah, probably in an hour or so,” Kuroo responds with a chuckle. “As much as Yaku has protested in the past, I think he’s really excited too.”

“Well you know, Yaku’s not that much older than you, sweetie.” Kuroo’s mom says bluntly on the other end. “I mean you’re already twenty-eight, maybe you want to start thinking abou-”

With a push of a button, the call is no longer on speakerphone and Kuroo shuffles to press the phone against his ear instead. Kenma pretends like he doesn’t notice this and keeps busy with the new Animal Crossing game he’s playing. If Kuroo’s moms are talking about something private to Kuroo, that isn’t any of his business anyway.

“Uh-huh, mom,” Kuroo says quietly into the receiver, his voice a lot less confident than it had been a few moments ago. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.” He’s silent for a few minutes and it’s clear to Kenma that his moms are both talking over the phone. Whatever they are talking about, it seemed to be something they felt strongly about.

“Okay,” Kuroo says finally, untying the apron from around his waist and hanging on their oven door. “Talk to you guys later. Love you. Bye!” The black-haired man lets out a sigh as he puts the phone down, staring at the stove although there isn’t anything in the pan. After a moment he moves again, placing the dishes he used while cooking into the sink. He grabs some syrup and whipped cream, decorating both his and Kenma’s plates before serving them.  
“So that was my parents,” Kuroo starts cheerfully, juggling both plates in his hands as he walks to where Kenma is sitting on the couch. Kenma is glad that Kuroo hadn’t insisted they eat at the table, the taller probably could sense that he was already grumpy enough this morning.

“Mmhmm,” Kenma hums under his breath, placing his game down so he can grab one plate from his boyfriend. He stays in the same position on the couch, his legs crossed underneath him.

“Yeah,” Kuroo continues, moving to sit next to his boyfriend. “They saw Lev’s post this morning and were very excited about it.” Kenma wasn’t one for social media unless he was posting a new video on his Youtube channel. He much preferred gaming to apps. 

“What did he post?” Kenma asks casually between bites of pancake. Kuroo hums, shifting the plate in his lap for a second to grab his phone from his pocket and start scrolling through it. He seems to find what he’s looking for and turns the phone screen to face his boyfriend. 

On what Kenma guesses is Lev’s Instagram page, there was a photo of their grey-haired friend and Yaku. The shorter man was sitting against the headboard of his and Lev’s shared bed, wearing his reading glasses and with a book propped up in his hands. His brows were furrowed as if he were trying to appear irritated, but the grin he was sporting said otherwise. Half of Lev’s profile was also in the photo, a huge grin plastered on his face, a peace sign held up to the camera. As he surveys the photo, Kenma’s eyes fixate on a simple gold band that was sitting perfectly on Yaku’s ring finger. The shorter man would have missed this detail entirely if it weren’t for the photo’s caption. 

_“He said yes! <3 <3”._

Ah.

\---

Yaku wakes to the sight of two giant, green eyes staring into his own. To anyone else, this would have been a rude awakening to an otherwise pleasant sleep, but he’d gotten so used to this sight after six years of living with Lev. The grey-haired man sucks in a breath of air as Yaku blinks up at him across their bed.

“Good morning, malysh,” Lev whispers in a sing-song voice, grinning widely at the smaller man. Despite speaking next to no Russian, the vocabulary that Lev did possess consisted entirely of terms of endearment and professions of love. Yaku could never keep up with what each new word meant

“Good morning, Lev,” Yaku yawns, rolling onto his back and closing his eyes once more. He can feel Lev staring at him still, and cracking an eye open, he confirms this suspicion. Lev is lying on his stomach, his head perched comfortably on his hands that are folded under him. 

“Can I help you?” Yaku asks innocently, his lips quirked into a slight grin.

“No,” Lev chuckles, “I just want to look at you.” Yaku feels his cheeks flush, an involuntary laugh leaving his lips at this blatant affection. They hold each other’s gaze for a few moments before Lev slides forward in their bed, capturing Yaku’s lips in a slow, lazy kiss. When they pull away after a minute or two, the taller man lets out a strange, giddy sound from somewhere at the back of his throat and buries his head into the crook of Yaku’s neck.

“Ya lyublyu tebya,” Lev breathes gently against Yaku’s skin. “Ty tak mnoga znachish dlya menya. Slava ne mogut apisat’ mayu lyubof’ k tebe.” Yaku can’t understand much of what the taller man is saying but gets a general idea nonetheless. He threads his small hands into his lover’s silver locks, unable to suppress the grin on his lips. This moment of peace is short-lived, however, as what starts as gentle affection very quickly becomes Lev smothering Yaku. The tall man pulls his arms out from underneath him, causing his entire body to fall onto the smaller man’s, crushing him.

“Lev, get off,” Yaku hisses through gritted teeth, slapping the shoulder of his behemoth boyfriend. Lev does nothing in response to this protest other than chuckle under his breath and mutter a few more words in Russian. Yaku gets fed up with this quickly. “If you don’t let go of me right now I’m going to beat you upside the head.”

“Yaku” Lev whines, pulling back to pout at the smaller man, “that’s no way to talk to your fiance.” Yaku is taken aback by the casualness that accompanies this new title: fiance. He quickly turns his head into the mattress in an attempt to hide the gentle smile that unwillingly spreads across his face. Much to his dismay, Lev catches this moment of weakness, letting out a giggle at this reaction. He scoops the smaller man up into his arms, squeezing him tightly against his chest.

“My lovely, lovely fiance,” Lev coos, now pulling Yaku so that he is facing him instead of away. Yaku stares up at the giant man above him. His hair is ruffled a little more than usual, his neck and shoulders are marked up with Yaku’s handy work from the night before. Despite his thoroughly debauched appearance, Lev’s eyes were practically sparkling under the morning sun that crept in through their bedroom window. He looks absolutely breathtaking.

“I want to call you that forever,” Lev says in awe, petting Yaku’s hair gently. “ _My fiance._ Or, at least, until I get to call you my husband.” He cups Yaku’s face with one hand, pressing soft kisses to his forehead, his cheeks, and finally his lips. As much as he hated to admit it out loud, Yaku really enjoyed being pampered this way. The smaller man hadn’t received much affection in his teen years, but Lev was more than willing to make up for this in his twenties. So much so that this attention could be a bit overwhelming at times.

“Lev,” Yaku begins, interrupting the stream of kisses he was being gifted. “I have to get ready for work.” Lev hums halfheartedly at this comment, using one hand to turn Yaku’s chin towards him to deepen a kiss they were sharing. The taller man hovers over his fiance’s small frame and Yaku feels a large hand move to rest on his hip, pushing the material of his pajama shirt up slightly. The smaller man giggles against Lev’s lips, his body wriggling to get away from the other man’s prying hands. 

“Yeah ok, I have to go to _work _you big idiot,” Yaku chuckles, pushing his fiance's giant head away from his own. Lev makes a noise of protest, wasting no time in grabbing the hands that are playfully shoving his face backward.__

____

____

“No, you don’t,” Lev whines childishly, reaching up to lace Yaku’s fingers into his own.

“No actually, I really do,” Yaku says firmly, tugging his hands out of Lev’s grip and turning to sit at the edge of their bed. 

“Kotik, please,” Lev pouts as Yaku begins sliding his slippers onto his feet, a firm “no” leaving his lover’s lips. “I just want to cuddle and kiss you a little more. Just for five more minutes!”

“That’s a lie,” Yaku says matter of factly, grabbing his phone from the bedside table. His lock screen is decorated with so many notifications from friends and family that he hardly knows what message to check first. Scrolling through the cascade of texts his eyes catch on a congratulatory message from Kuroo.

_Good to see that Lev finally wooed you into a “yes”. Congratulations on the engagement._

Yaku scoffs at this, typing a quick “shut up” back to Kuroo, followed by an even quicker “but thank you”. He decides to check the other messages later, what that said about his priorities he didn’t know. 

“Come on,” Lev pouts, slinking across the bed to the shorter man, “this is a special occasion. You’ve worked at that office for how many years again?”

“Seven,” Yaku answers bluntly.

“Exactly,” Lev enforces, hands reaching up to massage circles into Yaku’s back, “Seven years of hard work, what harm would it do to take one sick day.” 

“Usually none,” Yaku counters with a huff as the larger man’s arms snake around his chest, “but thanks to your stupid post, all of my colleagues will definitely know that I am _not_ sick.” Lev considers this as he begins to pepper the other man’s shoulders and back with kisses. 

“Well,” he begins, “they can * just be * happy * for their colleague’s * engagement.” Lev’s large, very cold hands were starting to creep under Yaku’s shirt again, earning a swift slap to the taller man’s arms. Lev chuckles at this, but retracts his hands nonetheless, resting his chin on Yaku’s shoulder as he wraps his arms around the smaller man again.

“I’ll make you breakfast in bed,” Lev proposes, turning his head so that he can see Yaku’s expression. “Come on. Let your charitable fiance take care of you.”

“Charitable my ass,” the strawberry-blonde hisses, smacking the side of Lev’s head lightly, who simply laughs at this outburst, reaching out to intertwine Yaku’s small hand in his. He rubs Yaku’s knuckles affectionately with his thumb. The shorter man turns his head to lock eyes with his fiance. Lev has an innocent smile plastered across his face as he stares at Yaku. He leans in to gently nudge Yaku’s nose with his own.

“Call in sick, lyubimyy,” Lev says so quietly that it’s almost a whisper. When Lev looks at him in this way, Yaku doesn’t know what to do with himself. Luckily for him, Lev always seemed to take the lead in these moments.


	2. Chapter 2

The engagement party is a somewhat intimate event. Only close friends and family were invited, which extended to the whole Nekoma team, some highschool friends, some college friends, as well as Lev’s older sister. It takes place at Yaku and Lev’s apartment, with some drinks and snacks for their guests and a lot of catching up. Lev makes an effort to talk to every guest, even if they are Yaku’s old college friends who didn’t know him very well. Yaku, on the other hand, is standing comfortably to the side with Kuroo and Kai. The three of them had always been a complementary trio in high school, and it was nice to fall back into the same routine of conversation again.

“So how did he do it this time?” Kai asks cheerfully, swirling the champagne in his glass.

“I’m curious too,” Kuroo adds in solidarity, “What was it about this time that made you finally cave?” Lev’s mission of engagement had been a topic of conversation amongst the former third years since Lev had proposed for the first time four years ago. 

“He just asked,” Yaku says, taking a bite out of a chocolate-covered strawberry that was resting on his plate. “Just in our bedroom.”

“And what?” Kuroo presses on, making circular motions with his hands, “There were rose petals on the sheets? Gold flakes? Diamonds?”

“No,” the strawberry blonde counters matter-of-factly. Kai was looking back and forth between the two men locked in this somewhat unnecessary standoff. This was like their first year all over again and Kai was suddenly getting flashes of past arguments.

“Did he hire a band to serenade you or something?” Kuroo prompts. He couldn’t believe that was the whole story of his close friend’s engagement. There had to be something more to it.

“No. It was just in our bedroom.” Yaku insists, one hand resting on his hip now. “We were getting ready to go to bed. He asked me. I said yes. And yeah, that was it.”

“Wow,” Kai says, looking at Kuroo in shock that is mirrored on the taller man’s face as well.

“So you’re telling me,” Kuroo begins, his hands pressed together and pointed at his friend. “The flashmob didn’t do it. Disneyland didn’t do it. The school reunion didn’t do it. But asking you, alone in your bedroom, that’s what got you?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Yaku shoots back quickly, tilting his head to the side in a challenging fashion. “You need your ears cleared or something?”

“Now, now,” Kai comforts, placing a hand on each of his shorter friend’s shoulder. “We always knew Yaku was a private person, Kuroo. I don’t think we’re all that surprised that it was a relatively private affair.”

“Oh yeah, I knew that,” Kuroo agrees, eyes still wide and trained on Yaku’s, “I’m just shocked you didn’t milk this and get, like, a trip to Hawaii out of it or something.”

“I think you’re mistaking Lev with Kenma,” Yaku laughs to himself, quirking an eyebrow up at the tall black-haired man. “Lev could never afford something like that. My boyfriend isn’t a millionaire like yours is, Kuroo.”

“Ah okay, here it comes,” Kuroo says expectantly, his mouth curling into a somewhat bitter grin. He takes a preemptive gulp from his champagne glass, ready for what the conversation will no doubt dissolve into.

“So let me just ask, how does that work again?” Yaku begins, putting a hand to his chin in a contemplative manner, grinning at Kai who was trying to suppress a laugh behind a raised hand. Kai tries to pass his chuckling off as a cough but Kuroo is already glaring at their typically neutral friend.

“Okay, okay,” Kai says between chuckles, waving a hand to Yaku to motion that he shouldn’t press too much on this issue. Of course, Kuroo didn’t have a complex, necessarily, about his boyfriend’s wealth. He will admit, he could do without his friend’s constant jibes, but he had no negative feelings towards being considered the “homemaker” in his and Kenma’s relationship.

“Do you get an allowance?” Yaku teases relentlessly. Kuroo guesses he does deserve this for being such a little shit not two minutes ago. “Do you have a special credit card or something?”

“Very funny,” Kuroo fake laughs, looking to the ceiling, “A real original joke there, Yaku.”

“Oh, I think we’ve struck a nerve, Kai,” Yaku says, elbowing said man in the arm lightly. Kai just smiles at Kuroo gently, taking another sip of champagne. 

“Not at all,” Kuroo says in a dignified manner, “I’m very proud of everything Kenma has accomplished.”

“How long of a leash does Kenma keep you on?” Yaku presses on, unrelenting. “With his image and all I can’t imagine it’s a very long one.” Kuroo chuckles under his breath at this question, his eyes slanting and lips curling into a troubling smile. 

“Oh, Yaku,” the black-haired man grins down at his short friend, “I don’t think that’s a question you want an answer to.” Kai hums into his glass, gulping down the contents as a distraction from the inappropriate comment while Yaku sputters a bit, looking up at Kuroo with complete horror. The shorter man begins to berate Kuroo, who is sporting the most “shit-eating” grin. In the background of their arguing, Kai mutters a quiet _“I need a refill, I guess we’ll catch up later”_ as he makes his way quickly to the drink table.

“Nice going, ruining the mood,” Yaku says bitterly, looking to the side to watch their friend walking away in embarrassment, a faint dusting of pink decorating his cheeks.

“Hey, nothing you haven’t already heard about,” Kuroo says defensively, one hand slipping into his pocket. Yaku had, regrettably, been Kuroo’s confidant for the majority of their high school days, which extended to details of his personal relationships as well. Specifically his relationship with Kenma.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Yaku scoffs, staring into the base of his champagne glass.

“I am nothing if not an honest man,” Kuroo says frankly, his hands held up in front of his chest in a gesture of innocence. “But back to the proposal. It was just in your room, no special anniversary or anything?” Kuroo presses once more.

“Yes!” Yaku all but yells now. He doesn’t know why this comes as such a shock to his friend. Kuroo looks suspiciously at the shorter man, who takes another sip of champagne.

“I bet it was a sex thing.” the tall man speaks plainly, causing the smaller man to choke on his drink, for the second time.

“Jesus, Kuroo!” Yaku hisses under his breath, fully kicking his friend in the shin. “No it was _not_ , and his _sister_ is here, so keep your voice down!” Kuroo doubles over in laughter, evidently amused at his friend’s discomfort. His leg would probably be sporting a bruise for the next week, but God was Yaku’s face worth it.

“Kuroo-san!” A voice calls from behind the black-haired man. Lev emerges from the crowd, stepping into the conversation now. “I’m so glad you and Kenma could make it! I know he’s pretty busy.”

“Of course,” Kuroo says kindly, placing a hand on his junior’s shoulder. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world, Lev.” The grey-haired boy lets out a giddy noise, shifting to stand next to his fiance, wrapping an arm around Yaku’s shoulders. Kuroo looks at this innocent expression of affection and smirks.

“Hey, you’ve got to give me that full proposal story sometime, kid.” The black-haired man says, winking at Yaku who is glowering by his fiance’s side. The short man brandishes his fist in Kuroo’s direction dangerously.

“Kuroo, I swear-”

“Of course!” Lev interjects cheerfully, “I’d be more than happy to! Are you looking for any advice for when you finally ask Kenma?”

“Oh,” Kuroo says with a twinge of shock. This was a topic of conversation he hadn’t been expecting to breach tonight. “No, that’s not really on our minds right now.”

“What?” Lev says, making no effort to hide his disappointment. “Why not?” Well, that was a whole other question. For starters, Kenma clammed up any time the topics of marriage, rings, children, or anything remotely related to the three were mentioned. He didn’t even play wedding simulator games for his youtube channel, no matter how many times his followers requested them. That was as sure a sign as any. 

“Kenma’s got his career to focus on,” Kuroo explains truthfully. Dating an influencer wasn’t always what it was cracked up to be, sacrificing things like a private life was one of these downsides. Kuroo didn’t mind these things, but he could tell that Lev didn’t exactly understand where he was coming from. “Plus, I don’t think it’s a, um, “wanted” topic of conversation right now.”

\--

“Kenma-san!” a very loud voice yells from the crowd, causing the blonde to jostle his champagne glass at the sudden noise. Turning to the direction of the voice, Kenma sees his very large, grey-haired friend bounding through the crowd, dragging Kuroo by the arm behind him. Yaku isn’t far behind the two, doing a light jog to keep up with them, his face clearly written with irritation. 

“Hi, Lev,” Kenma says quietly as his friend stops directly in front of him and Shibiyama, who he had just been having a conversation with about a new video game the brunette was working on. Lev doesn’t seem to process the greeting as he stoops down to the other’s height.

“Kuroo-san just told me you don’t want to get married!” Lev exclaims, still clutching Kuroo’s forearm as he jerks the now very taken aback senior into the conversation. Shibiyama coughs awkwardly at Kenma’s side, muttering something about grabbing another glass of champagne as he walks out of the circle Lev has created between the four of them. Kenma looks back and forth between Kuroo and Lev, immediately uncomfortable with this sudden inquiry. Kuroo seems equally uncomfortable, his eyebrows furrowed and a hand raised to interject.

“Lev, that’s not exactly what I sai-”

“Why don’t you want to get married to Kuroo?” Lev cuts off, eyes trained seriously on Kenma’s. “You’ve been dating each other for long enough, way longer than Yaku and I.” That was true. Where it was common knowledge that Kenma and Kuroo had started their relationship in Kenma’s second year, Yaku and Lev hadn’t connected romantically until several years after they were both out of high school. Regardless, Kenma can’t help but feel irritation at this matter-of-fact statement made by his junior.

“I really don’t think that's any of your business.” the long-haired man counters, shifting his eyes cooly to Kuroo one last time before settling on a particularly interesting spot on the floor. Kuroo looks like he’s been sucker-punched by the glare Kenma shoots at him.

“But don’t you want to get married?” Lev presses on, looking back and forth between the couple, seemingly unaware of the tension that now blankets the conversation. Yaku elbows his fiance in the forearm muttering a pointed _“drop this”_ under his breath, which Lev has nearly no reaction to.

“Lev,” Kuroo interrupts again, pulling his arm out of the taller man’s grip. “Kenma and I don’t _need_ to get married. This is a very personal conversation and, to be honest, none of your business.”

“If it’s so personal, then why did you bring it up?” Lev asks innocently, looking back at Kuroo, who mutters something along the lines of _“because you asked me”_ as Lev turns back to Kenma. “If you both have been together so long, and love each other that much, then I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to be married!”

Kenma’s grip on his champagne glass tightens at that statement and he can feel heat starting to rise up the back of his neck and spread to his cheeks. Kuroo and he were more than happy where they were right now. Kenma knew that. But at this moment, he couldn’t help but catch the way Lev was looking down at Kuroo. Kenma would even go as far as to describe the look as pity. It felt wrong and was enough to make the long-haired boy’s blood boil.

“You’re so sure that you know everything.” Kenma bites, “You think that all of your opinions have to be shared with everyone else. Some people prefer to keep their private lives private. Not everyone has famous, trailblazing uncle’s to look up to.” Kenma felt a little guilty about that comment, he’d met Lev’s uncles once or twice and they were lovely people, but Lev would never understand the pressure that being in the spotlight put Kenma under every day.

“That’s not fair,” Lev says, frowning a bit at Kenma’s slight. “You should see what the tabloids say about Uncle Vitya, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows for them either. And anyway, maybe I have two uncles to look up to, but Kuroo-san was raised by two moms! They’ve been married for at least ten years now, don’t you think Kuroo might want something like that for himself?”

“Lev, that’s enough,” Yaku says dangerously, grabbing his fiance by the forearm, but his hand is simply brushed away by a shrug of the taller man’s shoulders.

“Well don’t you think Yaku-san might have some reservations about marriage too?” Kenma says lowly, focusing his attention on the shorter man now. “Why do you think it took at least five different proposals for him to finally say yes?”

“Because Yaku thought I was moving too fast,” Lev defends, his voice straining up an octave as he looks down at his fiance, whose eyes are wide and trained on Kenma’s. If looks could kill, Kenma would already be six feet under. He’d had heard Yaku and Kuroo’s late-night phone conversations over the past few years about why the shorter one kept rejecting Lev’s proposals. Familial obligations. Fear of damaging his career. Concerns that his boyfriend clearly had no regard for.

“Yeah, maybe that’s what he told you,” Kenma interrupts, looking back at Lev and trying his best to ignore the look of betrayal plastered on his senior’s face. “But really he didn’t want to damage his reputation. But of course, you wouldn’t notice that, you’re too shortsighted to see how selfish you can be.” From beside Lev, Yaku is scanning the group of people around them, looking desperately for Lev’s older sister. Alisa always knew how to get Lev to back down better than he did, but to his dismay, when he found her in the crowd, her eyes wouldn’t meet his. They were transfixed on Kenma, glaring daggers into the back of his head. 

“Selfish?” Lev splutters, taking a step back, “I want to marry Yaku because I love him. And Yaku said “yes” because he loves me too!” The volume of Lev’s voice is a little too high for Kenma’s liking because now Kenma can see that more and more eyes in the room are turning their attention towards this quickly escalating argument. 

“Ok, got it,” Kenma says curtly, turning away from Lev and moving toward the drink table. Kenma’s glass was still full, but he needed an excuse to move out of that conversation. 

“Don’t walk away after saying something like that!” Lev calls after Kenma, taking a few steps ahead of the shorter boy and blocking Kenma from getting to the table. “If we want to talk about selfishness, what about you with Kuroo-san? Have you ever thought about what he wants for his life? Have you even asked him?”

“Let’s drop this, Lev,” Kuroo commands from behind Kenma, but the blonde doesn’t bother to look where he is.

“Do you actually want me to drop this or do you just not want Kenma to get mad?” Lev shoots to somewhere over Kenma’s shoulder, now glaring at his former captain. “It’s been over ten years since your high school days, you can’t push me around like you used to anymore.”

“Don’t talk to Kuroo like that,” Yaku barks at Lev, moving to step in front of his fiance. 

“Have you asked him?” Lev challenges Kenma again, ignoring Yaku, “Or have you decided not to because you know that Kuroo-san would literally do anything for you? You know that he would bend over backward if it meant you being happy and comfortable. If we want to talk about selfishness, let’s talk about that!”

“I’m done with you lecturing me about this,” Kenma hisses, anger bubbling deep in his chest. “I am done with you pretending like you know my life, Kuroo’s life, or Yaku-san’s life for that matter! Did you ever consider how shameful it is in a Japanese family for their son to be with another man? Of course not, you don’t even pass as Japanese most days! Maybe this behavior is normal back home for you, but you could never know the pain and fear that we’ve all had to go through because life has always been that much easier for you!” 

He feels the tirade of words leave his mouth before he can even process what he is saying. Complete silence falls over the room and Kenma immediately knows he’s made a misstep. If the atmosphere wasn’t enough, Lev’s completely broken expression speaks volumes. It takes a few seconds of pain and shock to set in on Lev’s face before his look hardens into the most serious stare Kenma has ever seen. The taller boy has never been an intimidating person to Kenma, but at this moment he is very aware of the foot of height difference between the two of them.

 _“Easier?”_ Lev repeats lowly, eyes burning down into Kenma’s. His voice is quiet and tempered, and so un-Lev-like. _“In Russia?”_

Kenma feels pins pricking the back of his neck as he stares up at Lev. Every pair of eyes is on the two of them now. Kenma doesn’t know when he’d moved, but he can now feel Kuroo standing protectively behind him. He’s not exactly touching Kenma, but his presence is overwhelming. In the same regard, Yaku has moved between Kenma and Lev again, his eyes harsh and trained over Kenma’s shoulder on Kuroo no doubt.

“Lev,” Yaku starts tentatively, a firm hand jostling his fiance's shoulder. “Let’s get some fresh air.” He tries pulling Lev in the direction of their balcony, but the grey-haired man doesn’t even budge.

“I was born in Japan.” Lev hisses down at Kenma, looming over him, “I haven’t been back to Russia since I was seven years old.” Each syllable causes Kenma’s ears to burn hotter with shame, his nails pressing crescents into the palms of his hands that hang at his sides. He shuffles in place, breaking the eye contact between them and fixing his gaze at the coffee table across the room. 

“You want to talk about who has it easier?” Lev bites, taking a step closer to Kenma, giving the smaller boy no other option but to return his eyes to that intense gaze. “Go read a fucking article about what happens to men like us back in Russia.” 

They stand in front of each other silently for what could have very well been anywhere between a few seconds and an hour. The timeless tension is finally broken when Lev, fists clenched at his side, turns on his heels and stomps to what Kenma knows for a fact to be his and Yaku’s shared bedroom. The sound of their door slamming abruptly against the frame breaks the last thread of the tension in the room, and everyone looks amongst each other. 

Kenma is completely numb, every sound in the room suddenly distorted as he stands in one spot and stares at the floor. He can hear Yaku making a quick announcement to the other guests that the party is over, but he can’t bring himself to look up at him. He sees Kuroo out of the corner of his eye pull Yaku to the side of the room, whispering something to his friend that Kenma can’t make out. As the two speak in a hushed tone to each other, Kenma sees a girl with silver hair, who he vaguely registers as being Lev’s older sister, turn to Kuroo. She whispers in a low voice, that’s not quite low enough that Kenma can’t hear her. 

“You and your boyfriend need to leave. _Now._ ” 

Kuroo nods, glancing back at Kenma and offering Alisa a quiet apology that seems to fall on deaf ears, as the girl is already heading towards the door Lev has just disappeared through. Kuroo walks up to Kenma, placing a hand on his shoulder, which causes the other to jolt slightly. He vaguely registers that his boyfriend is speaking to him, but Kenma can’t process any of his words right now. He feels like his ears have been filled with cotton.

“Yaku,” Kuroo calls across the room to his friend, who is now also standing in front of his bedroom door with Alisa. The white-haired woman doesn’t turn her head at Kuroo’s call and seems to be speaking Russian to the door, no doubt trying to connect to a troubled Lev on the other side. Yaku appears to know what Kuroo is trying to express, but he’s far too exasperated to concern himself with whatever it is.

“I can’t right now, Kuroo”, Yaku huffs to his friend, a hand coming up to rake through his strawberry blonde hair. “I’ll call you tomorrow or something. Just, please give us some space.” The halfhearted way the shorter man says this pierces Kenma. He is struck by the sudden mortifying fear that he’s not only cost Kuroo Lev’s friendship, but Yaku’s as well. Before he can register what is happening, Kenma feels a protective arm wrap around his shoulders and back, steering him out of the apartment door and into the hallway.


	3. Chapter 3

The taxi ride home is spent in complete silence. Even if either of them knew what to say, Kenma was so close to falling apart that Kuroo didn’t want to risk aggravating him. The blonde’s fists are balled up in his lap as he stares out of the window, facing completely away from his boyfriend, who is also facing out of his respective window. Kenma doesn't even distract himself with his phone, which is currently buried in Kuroo’s pocket. He doesn’t know how the device got there, but figures that the taller man pocketed it as they left the apartment. This was for the better, Kenma had had his fill of social interactions for the evening.

Once they reach their apartment, Kenma wordlessly drags his feet across the door frame. He makes a b-line for the bedroom, toeing off his shoes in the center of their foyer as he does so. Kuroo closes the front door gently behind him, keeping a wide breadth of distance between him and his now fuming boyfriend. A good sign at least is that Kenma keeps their bedroom door open, signifying at least that Kuroo is welcome to come in when he needs to. Throughout the entire time that he has known him, Kuroo has never seen Kenma more furious in his life, and he’d been around for all twenty-five years of it. Kuroo doesn’t hear much noise from the bedroom other than the shuffling of feet and sounds of fabric falling on the floor.

Kuroo takes his shoes off at the front door, placing them neatly against the wall before collecting Kenma’s shoes and doing the same to them. He steps into the bedroom a minute or two after his boyfriend, entering it to see Kenma sitting on the edge of their king-sized bed. He has already shed his belt and dress pants, which are lying in a crumple on the floor, and is now trying to unbutton his dress shirt, emphasis on the word “trying”. His small hands are shaking as he attempts to maneuver each button out of its respective hole. Kenma’s long hair has fallen into his eyes, the messy ponytail from earlier in the night hardly recognizable as a ponytail anymore. The blond man’s breath is leaving his mouth in little huffs that his boyfriend recognizes as the breathing he tends to get before a particularly bad panic attack. Kuroo doesn’t know what to say to soothe Kenma, so he opts to use actions instead. That has always worked better between the two of them anyways.

Kuroo kneels in front of Kenma, this action eliciting no response from the smaller man, who is still absorbed in the task at hand. The tall man stays in place for a second before slowly removing the smaller man’s hands from his shirt. He is careful to only touch Kenma’s sleeves, and not his skin, as he does so. In moments like this, Kenma would often experience an extreme aversion to touch, any skin on skin contact spurring him into a full-blown panic attack. Kuroo gently places his boyfriend’s hands on the duvet either side of his legs. Kenma’s eyes shoot up to Kuroo’s, wide and full of so many emotions. Though anger is definitely in there somewhere, the taller boy can see that guilt and shame are at the forefront of them.

Keeping his eyes locked with Kenma’s, the black-haired man slowly brings his hands up to the buttons on the blonde’s collar. He slowly begins to unbutton the shirt, taking a few seconds between each button to look back up at Kenma, just in case the smaller man needs him to step back and give him more space. Kenma doesn’t have any negative response to his actions, so Kuroo continues until he reaches the bottom of the shirt. He gingerly slides the clothing off of his boyfriend’s narrow shoulders, again taking care not to touch any skin, and places his hands on the duvet either side of Kenma’s own hands. He stays knelt in front of Kenma, offering him a gentle half-smile. The other man’s mouth is pressed into a wavering line.

Kenma takes a second or two before reaching forward slowly for Kuroo’s face. His bottom lip is shaking slightly as he cups the other man’s cheeks in his hands. Kuroo leans into the touch, breathing gently against Kenma’s left hand and closing his eyes. His actions seem to be saying _"whatever you need to do, do it"_. Luckily, the message is received by Kenma.

They stay still for a moment before Kenma pulls Kuroo’s head towards him, pressing it against his bare chest. Kuroo understands this and follows where those hands guide him. The smaller man’s grip on Kuroo’s hair is vice-like but the black-haired man can’t bring himself to mind. Not when he can hear tearful shudders rattling through his boyfriend’s chest. Kuroo thinks once or twice about saying something but decides against it. When entering a panic attack with Kenma, Kuroo needed to let the other take the lead. It was essential that Kenma set the pace between them. Physically, Kuroo was important for grounding Kenma right now, if the smaller man wanted Kuroo to touch him, he would let him know. In the meantime, the best he could do was let Kenma hold him as tightly as he could until all of the sobs he had trapped in his chest left his body.

The panic attack lasts for around half an hour. Throughout the whole ordeal, Kuroo is leaning into Kenma’s chest, his hands bracing himself on either side of his boyfriend’s legs. It’s Kenma who breaks their contact first, pulling Kuroo’s head away and looking down at his beautiful boyfriend with tear-filled, puffy eyes. He opens his mouth slightly as if he wants to say something, but closes it again. He just can’t find the right words. Kuroo forgives this, he knows that they’ll both get there eventually.

“Let’s go to bed,” Kuroo settles on saying, one of his thumbs ghosting over the side of Kenma’s knee gently. It takes a moment for the smaller man to process the statement and nod in agreement, pressing his face into Kuroo’s shoulder as one last comfort. Kuroo waits for his boyfriend to steady himself before standing up and leading him to their bathroom. He flicks the bathroom lights on and shuffles into the room behind Kenma. Kuroo picks up their toothbrushes and squeezes toothpaste on each, passing Kenma his own. The shorter man sniffles as he grabs the toothbrush from Kuroo. Kenma reluctantly brushes his teeth, teetering back and forth from one leg to another. He’s shivering as if he were cold, but Kuroo knows well that this physical reaction isn’t from temperature. The taller man puts a grounding hand on Kenma’s shoulder, guiding him to lean back against his chest as they stand.

Once they’re done brushing their teeth, Kenma starts on washing his face. As he does so, Kuroo takes care to free his boyfriend's hair from what is left of a ponytail. He cards his fingers through the long, semi-blonde locks, watching as Kenma leans back into his hands. His shaking has subsided slightly and seems to be getting better as Kuroo does this. He allows his fingers to pet Kenma’s hair for a few minutes before finally tying his long hair up into a loose, messy bun. By the time he has done this, Kenma has finished his skin routine and Kuroo coaxes him into the bedroom again. He grabs Kenma’s favorite sleep-shirt from their closet and slips it over his boyfriend's head. Kuroo knows to most, this level of attentiveness and coddling would seem unhealthy, but they preferred their dynamic this way.

Kenma crawls onto their bed slowly, now clad in his boxer-shorts and sleep shirt, and curls up on his side of the bed. He’s positioned so that he’s facing the window, his back to Kuroo. The black-haired man tries not to take this gesture personally as he too begins to get undressed. He takes this time to check both his and Kenma’s cellphones, which are still in the pocket of his dress pants. His boyfriend’s phone has a few concerned text notifications from Shoyou and Inuoka, nothing out of the ordinary. His own phone has a few text messages from old Nekoma teammates as well, namely Taketora and Kai, as well as a few missed calls from Bokuto. These, he is pretty sure, aren’t even related to the events of an hour ago, but he feels himself hoping that word of the fight gets to Bokuto soon. He could use his friend’s optimism right now. Kuroo opts to at least check Kai’s message before turning in for the night.

_Everything will be alright. Call me if you need anything. I’m always here for you._

Kuroo looks at the message for a few seconds and gets a very strong feeling that Yaku has received the same message from their old friend. Kai had always been the mediator when he and Yaku were at each other’s throats as first years. It seems that nothing had changed after more than ten years. Kuroo types a quick “thank you” to his friend, leaving the other texts and calls to respond to in the morning. He plugs Kenma’s phone into the charger on his bedside table, deciding to wait until the morning to charge his own. He didn’t want to disturb Kenma by plugging the phone in on his side of the bed anyways. Kuroo finally removes his dress shirt and socks, flicks off all the apartment lights, and sits on his side of the bed.

He can hear Kenma release a sigh as the mattress dips under his weight. Kuroo does his best to maneuver onto the bed as gently as possible, lying so that he’s face to face with his boyfriend’s back. He still doesn’t know how much touch Kenma needs right now, so he settles for placing a light hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Kenma flinches slightly when his hand makes contact with the fabric of his shirt, but he quickly relaxes into the touch. It only takes a few seconds before one of Kenma’s hands reaches behind him, grabbing Kuroo’s arm and pulling it securely around his torso. The taller man takes the hint, scooting to Kenma’s side of the bed and maneuvering his body until he has Kenma completely wrapped up in his arms.

“Goodnight,” Kuroo whispers tenderly, kissing the back of Kenma’s neck twice and squeezing his boyfriend’s hands tightly in his. Kuroo drifts to sleep holding Kenma against his chest, his entire body curled protectively around his boyfriend’s back. The last thing he feels before falling completely into slumber are gentle, tearful kisses that Kenma is pressing into their intertwined fingers.

\--

When Lev shuts and locks the bedroom door behind him, it’s because he has every intention of shutting out anything but his thoughts. He can hear his sister pleading through the door in Russian, but he can’t bring himself to answer her. Lev hopes the rest of their guests leave before she begins to do this, especially right after being ridiculed for his Russian side. Yaku is also behind the door with Alisa, offering soothing words and affirmations, in Japanese of course. It takes an hour of this coaxing and comforting from both Alisa and Yaku to finally get Lev to unlock the bedroom door. When he does, his sister moves first, pulling her baby brother into a deep and strong embrace. Lev doesn’t cry at this, but his chest is strained tight with emotion. Alisa takes a step backward, cupping Lev’s face in one of her delicate, well-manicured hands.

“You can call me in the morning, Lyovochka,” she says gently, pulling his face down so that she can press a soft kiss to his temple. “But right now, you two should get some rest.” Lev hasn’t looked down at Yaku yet, feeling overwhelmingly defeated from the fight an hour before.

“Thank you for everything, Alisa,” the smaller man says quietly, offering the silver-haired woman a polite bow. She waves him off, bidding a respectful goodbye to her soon to be brother-in-law before leaving the apartment. Lev is staring at the floor, his brows furrowed and mouth pressed into a thin line. Yaku steps in front of him, gripping the tall man on either shoulder lightly, but Lev’s gaze doesn’t lift to meet his.

“Hey,” Yaku says quietly, “do you want to talk about it?” Lev sighs, looking once to his side before finally setting his eyes on his fiance’s. Yaku’s light brown eyes were wide and caring, and clearly laced with worry. Lev doesn’t want to make him concerned over this whole ordeal, but he does need to get some things off his chest.

“Maybe.” the grey-haired man mumbles, shifting in his spot a little. Yaku nods, rubbing his shoulders lightly.

“Ok,” he begins slowly, ”I still have to clean up the glasses and snack. How about we talk while we clean?” Yaku gestures over to the drink and snack tables, which were decorated in several dozen glasses and a few trays of food. Lev nods, letting out a huff as he follows his fiance to the tables.

“It’s just,” Lev grits out as he walks, “so infuriating.”

“I know, darling.” Yaku says, passing two trays to his fiance. “Kenma was completely out of line with those comments.”

“So out of line!” Lev agrees with a raised voice, taking the trays from Yaku. “I mean, to imply that I don’t care about your opinion? How could he say something like that?” Yaku grabs a handful of champagne glasses and walks to the kitchen, Lev trailing behind him.

“I don’t know.” Yaku genuinely states, placing the glasses into the sink. Kenma had never been one to start fights, let alone insult his friends. Well, other than the occasional “idiot”, but Yaku was guilty of being harsher than that on his good days. Lev’s words must have really struck a chord with their former teammate.

“He has no right to pretend like I have it easier than him.” Lev continues, wrapping the trays in cling film before popping them into the fridge. Yaku nods, turning on the faucet to fill the sink with soapy water for the glasses.

“He acts like I don’t know what being gay and Japanese feels like.” Lev says in disbelief, stomping back to the drink table to grab a few more glasses in his large hands.

“I grew up here!” Lev calls as he walks back to the sink, “I know far too well the looks and whispers we get from walking hand and hand down the street.” Yaku nods, grabbing the glasses from Lev’s hands and placing them in the soapy water.

“But it’s even worse over there, Yaku!” Lev laments standing next to his fiance for a moment and watching the water fill the sink. “Kenma has no idea what happens in Russia.”

“You’re right,” Yaku agrees. “He has no idea.” Frankly, neither did Yaku. Lev wasn’t very open about the Russian side of his family, except for his uncle of course. He knew that Lev wasn’t on speaking terms with the majority of them, and he knew that this was a very touchy topic for the taller man, so he preferred not to talk about it.

“For him to stand there, and assume that I don’t put care into our relationship.” Lev continues, throwing a hand out for emphasis. “That I don’t consider your comfort and safety first and foremost. Especially considering where my family is from.”

“He knows how much you care.” Yaku counters, looking up at Lev, whose arms were now crossed over his chest. He was looking away from Yaku, lips pursed and brows furrowed. “But you’re right, he has no idea about life over there.”

“But to say that I was bringing you shame?” Lev yells. “That I was putting your career at risk?”

“He didn’t say that exa-”

“Or that you don’t actually want to marry me!” Lev’s voice cracks at this comment, causing Yaku to turn and face him again. The grey-haired man was facing towards the windows now and Yaku can’t see his expression. “I mean he might as well just said that you didn’t love me back.” This comes out quiet, so quiet that Yaku almost doesn’t hear him say it.

“Lev, you know Kenma didn’t mean it in that way.”

“But what if he did!” Lev yells back, whipping his head around. It’s at that moment that all of his resolve breaks. It’s only when he feels Yaku touching his face gently that Lev notices tears have started cascading in angry rivers down his face. Once the realization hits, he can’t stop himself from openly sobbing in the middle of their kitchen. Yaku grabs Lev’s arm, guiding him gently to the couch in the living room and setting him down on the upholstery. He stands next to his large fiance, brushing stray strands of grey hair out of the weeping man’s eyes and holding his face against his chest. It was hard to make a six-foot-seven man seem small, but at that moment, Lev was almost childlike. And it breaks Yaku’s heart.

It takes several minutes for the crying to subside and Yaku stands stoically next to his boyfriend as he sobs, brushing his bangs out of his face to soothe him. Once it does finally stop, Lev is very quiet, his fists balled up and resting in his lap. He sniffles a few times, rubbing a hand over his teary eyes.

“You do love me back, right?” Lev asks feebly. “You aren’t just marrying me because I “wore you down”, right?”

“What a stupid question,” Yaku hisses under his breath, pulling Lev even closer. He hopes that Lev hadn’t caught sight of the tears pooling in his own eyes. Although Yaku cares for Kenma very much, he swears at this moment to never forgive the blonde for making the love of his life feel this way.

“Like you told Kenma,” Yaku begins again, clearing his throat and pulling back to look at Lev. “You love me and I agreed to marry you because I love you just as much.” His fiance’s teary, green eyes stare up at him.

“Are you sure?” Lev whispers with a small frown.

“Absolutely.” Yaku moves so that he is sitting next to Lev on the couch now, pulling his fiance into his embrace. It was an awkward angle, Lev folding over to fit into his small fiance’s arms, but it was comforting nonetheless. Yaku closes his eyes, one hand lifting to gently pet Lev’s hair, humming soothingly against the top of his head. The larger man’s hands are curled behind Yaku’s back, his face pressed to his fiance’s chest. Before he knows it, Lev’s large, green eyes are starting to droop, and he feels the welcoming arms of sleep wrap around him.

“I can clean the kitchen later,” Yaku begins quietly, looking down at his fiance. “Let’s get to bed, okay?” Lev nods, sitting up slowly so that Yaku can get out from under him. The shorter man stands, offering a hand to his fiance and hoisting him up before leading him to their bedroom.

Much to Yaku’s dismay, Lev’s drowsiness is short-lived and sleep doesn’t come quickly for either of them. After brushing their teeth, showering, and completing the rest of their nightly routine, Lev decides he still has some ranting left in him. Two hours later, Yaku is sitting in their bed, comfortable under the covers, while his hyperactive fiance is pacing the length of their room over and over again.

“Me? Having it _easier_?” Lev yells incredulously from halfway across the bedroom as Yaku hums in agreement from his spot. “Yeah, that’s right, me who can’t talk to half of my extended family anymore.”

“Western-this, and western-that,” he grumbles, pacing past their bed for the hundred-and-somethingth time. “Did you know that my mom hasn’t been back to Russia since Uncle Vitya got married?”

“Yes, darling,” Yaku confirms, hands crossed over his lap as he watches his fiance stomping across the floor. He hopes Lev tires himself out soon but based on his fiance's fiery stare he knows that’s not likely. Yaku glances at his phone for the third time in the last ten minutes. Still nothing from Kuroo. Kai had sent him a message of encouragement, which the strawberry blonde greatly appreciated. He always seemed to be the most reliable friend in these volatile situations.

“Why else does Kenma think I hardly speak any Russian?” Lev continues, wagging a pointed finger in the air. Yaku sighs, stretching his arms out towards his fiance in a beckoning fashion. Lev catches this invitation, wordlessly crossing to the bed to lie with Yaku. He plops down next to the smaller man, with his head resting in Yaku’s lap. He’s quiet for a second while the strawberry blonde pets his head before letting out another exasperated huff.

“And what was that ”you barely pass as Japanese” bullshit?” Yaku internally curses Lev’s ability to talk so much without tiring himself out.

“Yeah sure, maybe I have grey hair and green eyes, but do you hear an accent?” Lev asks, pointing to his mouth, his eyes raised to meet Yaku’s. “I was born and raised in Japan, and he dares to question how “passable” I am?” Yaku hums in agreement, crossing his arms on his lap again, realizing that he might be smacked by a flying limb if he keeps his hands in Lev’s hair.

“What exactly was he trying to say with that, anyway?” Lev grumbles, raising his hands to his head in an exacerbated fashion. “That I’m less Japanese than him?”

“Lev,” Yaku interrupts gently, pulling the taller man’s hands away from his silver hair, “it’s three in the morning.”

Lev throws a glance over to the alarm clock on their bedside table, seeing the same time blinking across the screen. That was impossible. They ended the party at midnight. Had they been awake for 3 extra hours? Lev doesn’t know how to respond to this, resigning to lowering his hands and turning his gaze back up to his fiance.

“Kenma was out of line,” Yaku affirms, stroking Lev’s hair as he cradles his fiance's head in his lap. “It wasn’t fair for him to say such hurtful things to you.”

“Exactly!” Lev agrees, throwing his arms open dramatically, nearly smacking Yaku with the action. “You’d think that he’d know to be a little more sensiti-”

“ _Darling_ ,” Yaku interrupts, grabbing Lev’s arms and placing them firmly at the taller man’s sides. “I know you’re mad, and I know none of this is fair, but can we please go to sleep?” The taller man’s face is pursed, but he knows that sleeping was probably the best thing for the both of them. There was no point in bothering Yaku over this any longer, and Lev found himself feeling guilty for denying his fiance sleep for so long.

Lev nods finally, sitting up from Yaku’s lap to maneuver under the covers with the smaller man. He reaches over for the bedside table to flick off their light and curls up facing their closet. Yaku shifts closer to the larger man as he does so, threading his arms around Lev’s chest. Despite being so much larger, the strawberry blonde knew that his fiance preferred being the little spoon, especially when he was upset. He found that he didn’t mind this at all, kissing Lev’s shoulder as he shifts to get comfortable.

“Goodnight,” Lev says in the darkness, his head thrown over his shoulder to look back at his fiance.

“Goodnight,” Yaku responds, his eyes already closed, head nuzzled between Lev’s shoulder blades. The room is silent finally, and Yaku feels sleep creeping quickly upon him.

“I love you.” Lev whispers, his head still turned to look at Yaku expectantly.

“I love you too, Lev.” Yaku says through a yawn, grabbing for one of Lev’s hands blindly and entwining their fingers. “Go to sleep.”

“Okay.” Lev whispers, squeezing Yaku’s hand in return, turning his head forward to rest on his pillow. Lev says a couple more _I-love-you’s_ in the passing minutes, to which Yaku mumbles back a couple more _I-love-you-too’s_. Before long the smaller man is passed out cold, breathing gently against his fiance’s back. Lev falls asleep shortly after tugging Yaku’s arms tighter around himself and sighing quietly.


	4. Chapter 4

When Kuroo wakes up in the morning, Kenma isn’t in his arms anymore. Luckily the long-haired man isn’t far from his boyfriend, seated at the edge of his side of the bed. His knees are drawn up to his chest and he’s staring out the window at the rising sun. Kuroo unfolds himself from the position he was sleeping in, stretching his arms over his head languidly in a stretch. He sees Kenma’s head quirk slightly in his direction, no doubt aware of his consciousness now.

“Good morning,” Kuroo yawns, rolling onto his side. From his vantage point he still can’t see Kenma’s expression, but hopes that it isn’t too upset. The smaller man hadn’t said anything to him the night before, and Kuroo is still concerned that they aren’t on speaking terms.

“How long have you been awake, love?” Kuroo asks, hoping that Kenma is in the mood for pet names this morning.

“Do you want to marry me?” Kenma asks bluntly, not turning to look at his boyfriend. Kuroo’s eyes widen at the question and his movements still for a second or two before he shifts in the bed, propping himself up with one elbow.

“Is this a proposal?” he asks carefully, taken aback by the blonde’s sudden forwardness. Kenma twists from his spot on the bed, his eyes settling on Kuroo’s. They’re still bloodshot from the crying and a, no doubt, restless night, but there’s an alertness in them as well.

“Do you want it to be?” Kenma asks seriously, his mouth pressed in a straight line. Kuroo sighs, reaching out his arm to Kenma. It’s not an expectation so much as an invitation in case his boyfriend decides he needs some physical affection this morning.

“Kenma.” Kuroo begins, staring honestly into his boyfriend’s eyes. “I’m happy with where we’re at right now. We’re young, we don’t need to make any huge decisions.” Kenma scans Kuroo’s face for any indication of lying, his gaze piercing the other man’s.

“But do you want to?” He presses on, fingers toying with the hem of his sleep shirt. “In the future, I mean. Is that something you want?” Kuroo sighs, considering this for a second.

“I’ve thought about it several times,” the black-haired man admits, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. “I’d be lying if I said the thought of calling you my “husband” didn’t make me a little bit giddy.” He laughs shallowly, his eyes falling to meet Kenma’s again. The long-haired man hated when Kuroo made jokes in serious situations like this. He knew that it was only ever for his own sake.

“I’m sorry I never asked you before.” Kenma apologizes gently, turning to face the window once again. Kuroo could hear the immense guilt in his boyfriend’s voice and it pained him. Yes, Kuroo’s mother had been bugging him about marriage for at least the last year and a half, but he didn’t have any strong feelings on the topic. He just knows that Kenma is the most important person in his life, and whatever he wants, Kuroo wants as well.

“Hey, you couldn’t have known, I never told you,” Kuroo says, frowning at the comment. Kenma had nothing to apologize to him for, he knew that the long-haired man found conversations like this stressful. It didn’t bother the other that marriage hadn’t come up between them in the past.

“I still should have asked.” Kenma counters. His head is bowed, eyes focused on his fingers that are still twisting his shirt. He seems very bothered by this new information like he has let his boyfriend down. Kuroo shifts closer to Kenma, bringing a light hand to the man’s back to rub gentle circles into the material of his sleep shirt. Kenma seems like he wants to say more, so Kuroo gives him the time he needs to form the words.

“I was worried that being married would change what we already have.” Kenma finally admits after several moments of silence. “That’s why I never brought it up. Do you think that’s selfish of me?”

“You? Selfish?” Kuroo scoffs, looking around their sizable bedroom. “Please, who basically funded Shoyou’s whole career? Who bought this apartment again? Who paid for the car that I drive?” Kenma chuckles bitterly.

“Yeah, okay I give people money,” the blond mutters under his breath.

“More than that,” Kuroo begins again, realizing the money route wasn’t the best one to take. “You joined a volleyball team for three years just because I wanted to try it out. You later took the role of captain despite me not being there. You were the only person Fukunaga talked to on that team because you were the only one quiet enough to listen to him. You taught Lev to spike properly even though he was, by far, the least teachable teammate we’d ever had. And despite having an anxiety disorder, you continue to create and post content for your followers. Does that sound selfish to you?” Kenma stays silent, eyes trained on Kuroo’s as he speaks.

“You always listen to me when I’m upset about something,” Kuroo continues, returning his quiet boyfriend’s gaze. “You’re the only person who knows how to make me feel completely comfortable. The only things that I contribute to this relationship are my cooking skills, good looks and charming personality.”

“Be serious.” Kenma says, shooting Kuroo a small glare.

“I am being serious!” Kuroo counters, sporting a shit-eating grin. “I happen to think I’m a catch.”

Kenma snorts, crawling back into bed just to flick Kuroo between the eyes. The black-haired man exclaims in feigned pain, grabbing onto Kenma and pulling him into a tight embrace. Kenma smiles slightly, nuzzling into Kuroo’s chest as his laughs die down. He could feel the taller man’s heartbeat against his ear, drumming steadily. Kuroo’s hands move up to Kenma’s hair, combing through the strands gently.

“You’re not selfish.” Kuroo breathes into the crown of his boyfriend’s head, fingers toying with the ends of his hair. They lie like this for several minutes, enveloped in each other's arms and very content in close contact. The embrace is only broken when Kenma shifts backward slightly to stare up at Kuroo. He raises his hands to cup his boyfriend’s face. He doesn’t say anything for a long time, just staring deeply into Kuroo’s amber eyes with awe.

“I love you so much,” Kenma whispers, his fingers lightly brushing over Kuroo’s cheeks. His eyes are full of what the taller man could only describe as adoration. They’re sporting dark circles and are still tinted red, but are full of love nonetheless. Kuroo chuckles lightly under his breath.

“I know that,” he says lovingly, but as the words leave his lips, the corners of Kenma’s mouth turn downwards into a frown. His fingers move to cover Kuroo’s mouth gently, closing his toothy grin. The black-haired man guesses that this isn’t the best moment for one of his sarcastic quips. Kuroo keeps his mouth closed, looking down at Kenma. The smaller man’s fingers hover over his boyfriend's lips for several moments. Kenma’s eyes are still transfixed on Kuroo’s.

“I love you so much,” Kenma begins again, “that most of the time, I don’t know what to do with that love.” Kuroo stays silent, allowing Kenma’s fingers to drag from his mouth to his chin, rubbing circles into his skin. His jawline was already prickly with stubble, but Kenma didn’t mind the sensation under his fingertips. His hands travel from his jaw to the sides of his face, then the back of his neck.

“You are the most important person in my life,” Kenma states plainly, now pulling his fingers up through Kuroo’s messy hair. It is still a little crispy from the product he’d put in it the night before. They both had forgone a shower before bed, and Kenma makes a mental note to suggest one when they were ready later in the day.

“Regardless of our plans for marriage,” Kenma breathes out, “I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with you.” The blonde always knew that Kuroo was the more sensitive between the two of them, but the way Kuroo’s eyes fill with tears reminds him just how soft his boyfriend is. Kenma keeps petting his hair as silent tears begin to spill from Kuroo’s eyes and onto his pillow. The blonde leans forward kissing the tears off of his cheeks although they don’t seem like they will stop anytime soon.

“You’re so caring,” Kenma continues, moving to Kuroo’s eyelids now, which are damp beneath his lips. “You make me feel so loved.” He knew that praise was the quickest way to turn his boyfriend into a blubbering mess, but this was too important to not be said. Kenma brushes the black hair out of his boyfriend's eyes, his thumb ghosting Kuroo’s cheekbone. He waits patiently until Kuroo’s eyes have opened again to continue speaking.

“I want to be enough for you.” Kenma states firmly, his eyes locked on his boyfriend’s. Kuroo’s gaze is trapped in his as if he were under a spell. The taller man feels heat start to rise up the back of his neck from the intensity of the gaze. Kenma’s light brown eyes are so unbelievably beautiful in this lighting, practically glowing from the golden-hour glow spilling into the room. But more than that, there’s an unspoken yearning behind them.

“You’re more than enou-,” Kuroo begins hoarsely before he is silenced by the feeling of Kenma’s lips against his. The taller man is taken aback for a moment or two before he closes his eyes, instinctively leaning into the embrace and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. Kenma’s fingers thread through the hairs at the nape of the taller man’s neck, tugging him forward. Kuroo follows Kenma’s grip willingly, whimpering into his mouth as the blonde pulls a little too hard. Kenma releases Kuroo from the kiss and begins to pepper wet kisses along his boyfriend’s jaw. As he does this, heavy breaths huff through Kuroo’s parted lips, tickling his boyfriend’s cheek.

“I want you to feel as loved as I do, Tetsurou,” Kenma whispers against Kuroo’s ear, pressing an open-mouthed kiss just below it. A breath hitches at the back of Kuroo’s throat and the dark-haired man’s eyes shut again. Kenma’s hands snake down his boyfriend's bare chest, barely touching Kuroo and drawing out a hollow shudder as they go. The smaller man shifts backward, his head fuzzy as he stares up at his boyfriend's tense expression. He revels in his ability to wreck Kuroo like this without touching him properly. Kenma’s hands continue to drift across tan skin, dipping lower and drawing an airy moan out of his boyfriend. The taller man opens his eyes to meet Kenma’s half-lidded gaze, and this time, it’s Kuroo who closes the short distance between them.

They stay in bed the rest of the day, leaving the comfort of their sheets only to shower and eat. Much of the day is spent sleeping and lazily whispering into each other’s skin; uttering words of adoration and swearing promises for the future. When night arrives, Kenma falls fast asleep comfortably tucked into Kuroo’s side. Only when he’s absolutely sure that Kenma’s asleep does the black-haired man grab his phone off the bedside table. He opens his message app, clicking on Yaku’s caller ID. Still no messages. He types out a quick text and sends it before setting the phone back on the table and curling into his boyfriend.

\---

“No he hasn’t woken up yet,” Yaku whispers over the phone, standing in the kitchen of his and Lev’s apartment. He pours some tea into his favorite mug, which had funnily enough been gifted to him by Lev. It was a homemade mug that Lev had made for their two-year anniversary, decorated in what was “meant” to be stripes of their favorite colors; peach and navy blue. Unfortunately, Lev had been too impatient to wait between glazing the colors, so the colors had come out a little muddy and smudged, but Yaku loved the finished product nevertheless.

“It’s almost 2 p.m.,” Alisa worries over the receiver. “I know he likes to sleep in, but even this is a little worrying.” Lev tended to sleep past 10 a.m. on days that he could. That usually worked out well for Yaku as he didn’t have to deal with Lev pleading for him to stay home, since Yaku typically woke up early for work.

“Well, we were up past 3 a.m. talking last night,” Yaku justifies, taking a sip of his tea as he perches himself on the couch. Plus it was a weekend. “I think the fight took a lot out of him. I’ve never seen him look so defeated.”

“Neither have I,” Alisa admits quietly. Yaku can imagine her expression right now, brows furrowed and knuckles pressed against her mouth in worry. “Do you think you should wake him?”

“I honestly don’t know,” the short man admits, sipping more of his tea. He cranes his head towards the bedroom, barely able to see the shape of Lev on their bed. He isn’t stirring at all, still as motionless as Yaku had left him when he had gotten up five minutes ago to answer Alisa’s call. “Regardless, I know that he’ll want me to be there when he wakes up, so I can’t linger too long out here.”

“Yes, yes,” Alisa agrees on the other side of the call, “I won’t keep you from him. I was just getting worried since he hadn’t called me.”

“I know.” Yaku says. He’s not exactly sure what to say to soothe Alisa at this moment. He doesn’t think there is anything to say. Lev is clearly still recovering from the fight last night and Yaku has a feeling that it would take him a little bit of time to process the whole thing.

“Take care, please text me if he wakes up,” Alisa requests, worry still evident in her voice.

“I’ll be sure to.” Yaku reassures, setting his half-drunken tea on the coffee table. “Thank you for checking in, Alisa.”

“Of course,” she responds quickly, “He may be an adult now, but he’ll always be my baby brother.” Yaku smiles gently at this. Alisa had been so reliable for the both of them in the past, especially when he and Lev had been in an argument, and Yaku was eternally grateful for that.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Yaku says quietly, “Bye.”

“Bye, Yaku.” Alisa says before her phone clicks off at the other end of the call. Yaku walks to the bedroom door, taking care to open it as quietly as possible. He slides back into bed carefully, propping himself against the headboard next to Lev. He decides to pass the time by reading, picking up a book from his bedside table. He usually read in bed, either before going to sleep or as he waited for Lev to wake up on weekend mornings. He manages to read a couple of chapters before Lev starts to stir in his spot on the bed. The larger man rolls to face Yaku, wrapping his arms up in the blanket as he shifts in the bed. The strawberry blonde pauses as he reaches the end of the page he is on and looks down to stare at his fiance.

“Good morning,” Yaku half whispers, stooping down to press a kiss to Lev’s temple. The grey-haired man groans in response, wrapping himself around one of Yaku’s legs. Only his still-closed eyes and the top of his silver head are visible from under his cocoon of covers.

“What time is it?” Lev asks, his voices muffled by the blankets covering his mouth, eyes blinking to look up at Yaku expectantly.

“Almost 3 p.m.” Yaku responds, turning to check the time on their alarm clock.

“Oh God,” Lev says miserably, shutting his eyes again and curling closer to his fiance. “I wasted the whole day for the both of us.”

“You didn’t waste anything,” Yaku counters, furrowing his brows at his fiance’s pitiful display. Lev must have been in a low mood. When he got this way, every minor inconvenience always seemed like the biggest problem to the grey-haired man. As much as Lev’s overly cheery disposition would grate on Yaku at times, an upset Lev was far worse. “You needed the rest, I don’t think that’s a waste at all.”

Lev murmurs under the blanket, clearly in disagreement with his fiance, but Yaku lets him be bitter for now. The grey-haired man seems to sink further into the blankets, disappearing completely under the material after some shuffling. The shorter man stares at this image wordlessly, his fiance now just a lump of fabric in the middle of their bed. Yaku returns his focus to his book, allowing Lev to do what he needs to do to get his emotions out. They are both silent for about five minutes before Lev breaks the quiet between them.

“Am I too much?” a tiny voice asks from under the duvet.

“Too much what?” Yaku inquires casually, flipping a page of his book.

“Just in general.” Lev continues, pulling the covers down so that his eyes are visible again. “Am I too much for you?” Yaku looks up from his book to stare at the mound of covers that is his fiance. This was beginning to get childish.

“I don’t understand what you’re asking, Lev.” The strawberry blonde says bluntly. “Is this about your height or something? Because our expensive, customized bed should tell you that by itself.”

“No, that’s not what I mean, Yaku!” Lev whines dejectedly, kicking his legs out in an infantile manner. “I mean, am I too much to deal with? Like, am I too loud? Or too dramatic? Do I embarrass you?” Yaku continues staring at Lev for a few moments before he closes his book quietly, turning to place it on the bedside table. After he’s done this, the shorter man reaches for the blanket around Lev’s face. He unwraps the material so that at least his face is fully visible in the sea of white fabric. The grey-haired man is frowning, looking away from Yaku’s gaze after he has been fully uncovered from the duvet.

“You are loud,” Yaku begins honestly, bringing a hand up to comb unruly grey hairs out of Lev’s eyes. “And yes, you can be dramatic.” Lev turns to Yaku with a look of offense, opening his mouth as if he’s about to argue with that point.

“But no,” Yaku continues, raising his voice so that Lev can’t speak over him. “You don’t embarrass me. And I’ve never thought that you were “too much” to deal with.” Lev closes his mouth and stares up at Yaku with wide eyes. He is still for a couple of seconds, gaze locked with his fiance’s and his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“Are you sure?” He prompts again.

“Yes.” Yaku affirms quickly. “You’ve never been “too much” for me.” Lev looks to the side, nodding at this. He seems to be absorbing Yaku’s words and repeating them to himself in his head. Yaku’s eyes soften as he watches this, hoping that his words are taken to heart by his fiance. He brushes Lev’s cheek gently with a knuckle, drawing the taller man’s attention back to him.

“Promise?” Lev asks one last time.

“Yes.” Yaku says firmly, pulling his fiance in for a quick peck on the lips. “And don’t ask me again.” Lev nods again, and the strawberry blonde has hope that his fiance is a little more confident in his love now. Yaku opens his arms to Lev, making a beckoning motion to the larger man.

“Now get over here so we can cuddle.” Yaku commands with a smile. Lev slides out from under the cocoon of blankets and towards his fiance. Yaku guides Lev so that he’s lying on his side against his chest. The taller man complies, nuzzling into Yaku as he gets comfortable in this position. Lev’s feet dangle off the bed if they are stretched out so he elects to fold them in front of him instead. Yaku leans back against the headboard, his hands casually petting his fiance’s grey hair. As does this, he observes the way the taller man relaxes into his touch. He almost seems peaceful, if it weren’t for the clear tension held in Lev’s shoulders. Yaku expects that this conversation isn’t over yet.

“Did you only say yes to the proposal because I pressured you?” Lev asks evenly, breaking the silence again. He doesn’t turn to look up at Yaku, distracted by his fingers wringing together in his lap. The strawberry blond looks at this, noticing how Lev’s hands are restless. He reaches down and grabs them both gently in his own, intertwining his fingers with the taller man’s. Lev releases a quiet sigh, still avoiding Yaku’s gaze.

“I won’t be mad if that’s the truth,” Lev continues, sadness evident in his voice. “I just want to know.” Silence falls over the room as Yaku stares down at the large man in his lap. He wants more than anything for that lingering doubt to vanish from Lev’s mind, but he knows well that Kenma has planted this seed deep. Yaku needs to be careful and deliberate with this topic, letting Lev know exactly just how much he meant to him. More specifically, how much Yaku wants to spend the rest of his life with him.

“Lev,” Yaku begins slowly, “the times that you proposed before just weren’t right for us. I wasn’t ready, and I was concerned that we were moving too fast. You know this.” Lev nods along with this explanation, still staring down at his hands. He’d heard this reasoning many times in the past.

“But I promise, I’m ready now,” he continues. “I’m ready to- Lev, please look at me.” Lev turns his head to meet Yaku’s gaze, his eyes lined with tears that are threatening to spill. Yaku clicks his tongue, bending down to kiss both of Lev’s cheeks slowly. As he does this he grips the taller man’s hands a little tighter, releasing one hand to cup his fiance's face. Lev can’t help sniffling as Yaku does this. The shorter man stops his last thought, thinking of how to say all that he needs to.

“You have brought so much light into my life,” the shorter man begins again. “You’ve taught me more about being myself than anyone I’ve ever met. You’re so kind, and optimistic, and cheerful and loving. God, you’re so loving. You make me feel adored every day. Each time you smile at me, each time you kiss me, hold me, touch me.” Lev’s eyes are transfixed on Yaku’s as he says this. The smaller man had never been good at verbalizing his love for his fiance, but he was willing to try his best.

“You are the most important person in my life,” Yaku states firmly. “And I can’t wait to start this new chapter with you. And to wake up every morning and hear you call me your “husband”, because I know that you will.” Lev smiles lightly at this, blush creeping up his cheeks as he leans into Yaku’s touch. The strawberry blond feels his heart swell at this and he gently guides Lev’s face forward, capturing his lips in a tender kiss. When they part, the tension has left Lev’s body. His eyes are still closed, his eyebrows relaxed and his mouth parted in a soft smile. This was how Yaku liked him best.

“You’re my better half, and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”

They two of them have a late dinner, which Yaku cooks, and afterward, they watch Lev’s favorite movie. They cuddle the whole time, Yaku perched in Lev’s lap until the very end of the film. Luckily, Lev gets tired around 10 p.m. so both of them don’t stay up too late, despite the larger man sleeping through a good two-thirds of a day. As Lev is brushing his teeth in the bathroom, Yaku receives a message from Kuroo. Without hesitation, he opens the text.

_Hope you guys are doing okay over there._

The shorter man feels a tightness in his chest at this gesture. Despite Kuroo’s tendency to rile Yaku up, he did care about him. While Lev is still in the bathroom, he types back a quick response.

_You too. Let’s call tomorrow._

There isn’t an immediate response from Kuroo’s end and the message stays on read, so Yaku figures his friend has already gone to bed. Or he was still busy taking care of Kenma. Either way, Yaku doesn’t mind, Kuroo would see the message in the morning anyways.

Lev climbs into bed shifting close to Yaku. He grabs the smaller man so that his face is pressed into Yaku’s chest, just like earlier in the day. Lev nuzzles against his fiance, tightening his arms around Yaku’s waist.

“Good night, lyubimyy,” Lev grins into Yaku’s shirt, kissing his chest affectionately. The smaller man smiles at this, his hands tangled in his fiance’s hair. They fall asleep at the same time, Lev lulled to sleep by the gentle beating of Yaku’s heart, and Yaku by the rhythm of Lev’s breathing.


	5. Chapter 5

Yaku and Kuroo don’t exactly stick to their original plan. They consider the fact that a phone call might raise suspicion from their respective partners, so they keep to texting instead. They work to outline a plan for reconnecting Lev and Kenma, and most importantly, getting both of them to apologize to one another. Yaku is sitting at the dining table, texting Kuroo as he waits for Lev to return from work. His tall fiance ran group tours at the local zoo, and while Yaku typically got out of work around 5 p.m., Lev often stayed overtime to tend to the “big cats” enclosure. It was extra work, but the grey-haired man treated the over-time as a passion project more than anything else.

_Kuroo: Kenma already feels very guilty, so it won’t be difficult to get him in the mindset to apologize, the problem is more so getting him to initiate the conversation in the first place._

_Yaku: Yeah, that sounds about right. Lev’s the exact opposite, he’d argue with Kenma until the end of time if he could, but getting him to realize Kenma’s side and apologize might be more difficult._

_Kuroo: Does Lev understand why Kenma got so upset? Maybe explaining that to him would be good._

_Yaku: Yeah I think I’m going to have to do that first. And for Kenma, I know he already feels guilty, and this will only make him feel more so, but I’m going to link some articles about LGBTQ+ related crimes in Russia. I think it’s important that he educates himself on the matter, especially since this is such a personal topic to Lev._

Yaku’s phone indicates that Kuroo has indeed “read” this last message, but he doesn’t respond. Yaku feels a feeling of slight dread set over him, concerned that maybe this is an overstep, but this doubt is extinguished when he thinks of how upset Lev was after the fight. Yes, it was important that Kenma feel this too, regardless of how harsh that might sound. After about five or ten more minutes, a reply finally chimes on Yaku’s phone.

_Kuroo: Okay, thank you._

_Yaku: I’m going to try to talk to Lev about it tonight when he gets home from work, wish me luck._

_Kuroo: Good luck! Kenma’s in the other room gaming right now, I think I’ll talk to him in an hour or so. I’ll keep you posted about it._

_Yaku: Ok thanks, talk to you later._

Lev comes home around 7 p.m., tired but happy after spending the last hours of his workday with the animals he loves so much. The couple begins to cook dinner together, settling on making a curry. Yaku mans the pots and pans on the stove while Lev’s job is to chop up all of the ingredients. The shorter man decides that this is as good a time as any to bring up the fight again. Especially since Lev is distracted so he’s less likely to get as heated and defensive as he was right after the fight.

“Have you talked to Kenma yet?” Yaku asks casually, stirring the contents of the pan as he turns to look back at Lev, who is still preoccupied with chopping vegetables. The taller man doesn’t look up from his task, but a frown falls over his face at the question.

“Why would I have?” Lev asks cooly, brows furrowed.

“I don’t know,” Yaku shrugs off, returning his attention to the stove-top, “Just wondering if he’s contacted you yet.” Lev releases a bitter exhale at this comment.

“No he hasn’t,” the taller man says quietly but with a bite behind it. So far this conversation didn’t feel like it was doing much in terms of bridge-building. If anything, Lev seemed to be getting more and more upset about the issue as the days passed since the argument. 

“I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting for him to do that,” Lev says, crossing behind Yaku to grab another cutting board. “Considering how rude he was, I doubt that he even cares that I’m upset.”

“Trust me, he does,” Yaku says strongly, looking back at Lev again. The taller man avoids eye contact, grabbing the meat from the fridge to chop now.

“Okay.”

“You know you hurt his feelings too.” Yaku begins gently, trying to introduce Kenma’s side of the fight into the conversation. This does not bode well, as Lev turns to face his fiance with a shocked sound and eyes that seemed to scream “betrayal”.

“I don’t see how I could’ve!” Lev says with a raised voice, looking down at Yaku. “I was just honest with him! Kuroo shelters him too much, he can’t deal with criticism.”

“He deals with criticism every day,” Yaku counters, grabbing the chopped vegetables from Lev and tossing them into the pan. “Probably more than any of our other friends.”

“Mmmm.” Lev huffs.

“You don’t always see what goes on behind the scenes, Lev.” Yaku continues after a moment of pause.

“Well, the point is, no, he hasn’t apologized.” Lev bites back. Yaku knew that the taller man was angry at Kenma and not him, but his defensiveness seemed to say otherwise. “He’s probably just waiting for Kuroo to clean up this mess and make everything right again.”

“Hey,” Yaku barks, fully turning his attention to Lev now. “Don’t judge a relationship you’re looking at from the outside. Wasn’t that what got you so mad about the fight in the first place?”

“That and a number of other things,” Lev says evenly, holding Yaku’s gaze. The shorter man realizes again how touchy of a topic this is with Lev and that considering everything, he is still on his fiance's side, which he needs to affirm to Lev.

“That is true,” Yaku concludes, realizing that the conversation wouldn’t get anywhere where it was right now. He steps away from the stove to where Lev is still chopping meat, albeit a little aggressively now. Yaku wraps his arms around Lev’s waist, hoping that this lets the taller man know that he still supports him in this argument. Lev’s shoulders relax a little from the hug and he releases a sign. They cook the rest of their dinner in silence, but there isn’t any more tension between them.

Yaku decides to switch the topic of conversation at dinner to Lev’s day at work, which the grey-haired man is more than happy to share. He talks excitedly about the kids on the tours and how the zoo had just brought in another tiger that Lev was tasked with naming. He says that he’s still unsure about the name so he wants to take the week to think about it and that his boss was a little bit put off by this but the taller man excused it as being a “big decision”. 

“I mean, that’s going to be its name for the rest of its life!” Lev says passionately, gesturing with one hand as he shovels bites of food into his mouth. “And my boss had the nerve to suggest names like “stripes” or “whiskers, which is ridiculous! What if we named children that way? Can you imagine naming a baby something like “blue eyes” or “ginger”?” Yaku smiles through all of Lev’s ramblings, happy to see this spark his fiance’s eyes. Lev notices this and looks up at Yaku for several moments of silence as he chews a particularly large bite.

“What?” The taller man chuckles awkwardly.

“When did you fall in love with me?” Yaku asks with a gentle smile on his face.

“Second week of first year.” Lev says casually between more bites of food. 

“Really?” Yaku asks slowly, genuinely shocked by his fiance’s response, his smile dissipating into a look of surprise. Lev’s nods several times, his face completely neutral. “Um, well, then when did you realize that I was “the one” for you?”

“After our third date,” Lev says quickly again, lifting his head from his plate to look at Yaku expectantly, who was floundering at the unceremonious way Lev says this.

“Are you kidding?!” The shorter man yells in disbelief. There was no way Lev could have sorted out his feelings so quickly when it took Yaku a year to finally admit to himself how much he liked the taller man. “You couldn’t have possibly known then?!”

“Ask Uncle Vitya!” Lev responds with a raised voice, his eyes wide and void of any trickery. “I ranted about it to him for hours after that date. You remember it was the one where I tripped and fell into the fountain because I was chasing a cat. You took me home to let me shower and dry off. It was the first time I stayed overnight at your apartment.” That had been a really good date, despite it beginning in disaster. Yaku remembers it very vividly.

“Okay,” Yaku finally brings himself to say, blush spreading rapidly across his cheeks at this new information. “That’s very sweet and I love you so much for your optimism and honesty.” Lev beams back at Yaku in response to this comment.

“Of course, malysh,” the taller man chuckles, returning to his plate of food. Though this was a very wholesome exchange, Yaku is concerned that the conversation has been derailed from what he had intended it to be. He tries again.

“Do you love me more today than you did after that date?” Lev raises his eyebrows, chewing contemplatively. 

“I think I’ve loved you this much since that moment.” He finally settles on, looking back at Yaku again with innocence. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” Yaku says gently, still baffled by his fiance’s quickness to fall in love. “So when we get married, whenever we plan on doing tha-”

“I was thinking maybe spring,” Lev says quickly, “Since the cherry blossoms will be blooming and w-”

“Lev,” Yaku interrupts, drawing the taller man out of his rambling. “I love that you’re already thinking ahead, but just listen to the questions I’m asking right now, okay? It’s important.”

“Okay,” Lev says, setting his utensils on the table, sensing that serious questions are on the horizon.

“When we get married,” Yaku begins again, locking eyes with Lev. “In the foreseeable future. Will you love me more on that day than you love me today?” The grey-haired man looks taken aback by the question.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Lev chuckles, confusion written on his face. 

“But what if someone told you that you couldn’t possibly love me that much right now. Since we were planning to get married.”

“They’d be wrong,” Lev says with a raised voice, brows furrowed from clear frustration at this hypothetical situation.

“But marriage is a step up from dating? Right?” Yaku continues, raising an eyebrow. “So you must not love me as much as you could right now.”

“That’s stupid!” Lev yells, gesturing dramatically with an arm. 

“Exactly,” Yaku concludes. “That frustration you’re feeling right now, that’s how you made Kenma feel during that fight.” Lev’s movements pause for a second and the taller man looks down, and then to the side, seemingly processing this statement. Yaku sees the gravity of this dawn on Lev as the man’s eyes shoot back to him, his mouth hanging open in surprise.

“Oh,” Lev says plainly. “Oh god, I didn’t mean to make him feel like that at all, Yaku.” The shorter man nods carefully.

“I know you didn’t,” Yaku responds, glad at least that he’s broken through his fiance’s initial defensiveness. This feels like the beginning of progress.

“So that’s why Kenma became so nasty?” Lev asks honestly, his expression tense as if he were replaying the fight in his head. 

“Yes,” Yaku confirms. “That’s why he got so defensive.” Lev looks like several different cogs in his brain have started turning, and Yaku can see the guilt starting to set in on the taller man’s face. The strawberry blonde reaches across the table, taking Lev’s hand in his so that the other man looks up at him again.

“I’m not saying that Kenma wasn’t in the wrong,” Yaku states plainly, rubbing Lev’s knuckles with his thumb. “He was. Way more than you are. But you still need to apologize to him.”

“I do.” Lev agrees, nodding to himself. They are silent for several pensive seconds as the magnitude of this task dawns on the taller man. “How do I do that, Yaku?” The strawberry blonde considers this for a second, thinking back to his and Kuroo’s text messages. He knows that Kenma already feels bad, and he knows that Kenma messed up more in this fight. It’s only fair that he be the one to apologize first and he doesn’t think Kuroo will disagree with that.

“Let Kenma come to you,” Yaku finally settles on saying. “I know he’s feeling a lot more guilty than you about this whole situation. Which is fair, considering everything.” Lev nods at this again in agreement.  
\--

Kuroo leans against the doorframe of the study, staring down at Kenma, who was seated at his gaming desk. The taller man knew that his boyfriend wasn’t streaming today so there was no worry that their conversation would be witnessed by Kenma’s audience. Kuroo had made that mistake in the past once or twice, which was the cause of rumors surrounding the nature of his and Kenma’s relationship. The blonde didn’t seem to mind these rumors, but he still hadn’t confirmed them as boyfriends to his audience, which Kuroo was sure he had his reservations about. 

“Have you heard anything from Lev since the party?” Kuroo asks after standing there silently for a few moments. Kenma is still staring at the large monitor on the desk, his legs drawn up to his chest as he clicks away at the controller.

“No.” The long-haired man responds quietly, not looking up at his boyfriend as he responds. The passing seconds are filled with the sounds of clicking from Kenma as Kuroo stays staring down at him.

“Maybe you should reach out to him.” Kuroo finally suggests, to which Kenma’s mouth curls into a reluctant grimace. “Don’t make that face, this is important, Kenma.” Kuroo is firm with this statement, which causes Kenma to look up at him for the first time. The long-haired man pauses his game and puts down his controller.

“I know.” He responds feebly. His toes are shifting nervously on the desk chair, his arms wrapped now around his knees.

“Look, I know that stuff like this can be tough,” Kuroo says gently, crossing to his boyfriend to pet his hair lightly. Kenma looks up at the taller man as he does this. “But you need to know that there were some things you said that night that weren’t okay.” The longer-haired man bites his lip, brows furrowed at this statement. He nods lightly, eyes trained in his lap again.

“I know.” 

“But I don’t think you do, hon.” Kenma stays silent after this, and Kuroo feels slightly guilty for aggravating the point to his boyfriend. He knows that Kenma already feels bad, but he needs to hear this. 

“You should read these,” Kuroo says, taking his phone out of his pocket and passing it to Kenma. He has several news articles open on his phone, and scrolls through them to show Kenma. “Yaku sent them to me. There are countless other ones out there if you want to find them, but it’s important that you try to understand what Lev is feeling.” Kenma nods at this, taking the phone from Kuroo and shifting back into his gaming chair. 

Kuroo had read these articles and seen how jarring they could be, so he knows to stay in the room with Kenma for when he finishes reading. He takes a seat on the large beanbag in the corner as his boyfriend stays in his chair. After maybe half an hour of silence, Kenma stands up wordlessly and turns to Kuroo. He walks slowly over to the taller man and falls onto the beanbag to sit next to him, curling into his boyfriend’s side. The black-haired man stays silent, rubbing circles into his boyfriend’s back. He doesn’t know if Kenma is crying or not, but it wouldn’t surprise him if he was. The articles were already hard for Kuroo to the stomach, stories about protesters beaten within an inch of their life and detention centers that existed purely for “correcting” someone’s sexuality. The worst stories were the articles about the countless violent murders inflicted on the community, and the fear that others felt for their lives.

“I don’t think he’ll even want to talk to me again after this,” Kenma says miserably after fifteen minutes of silence. His face is still turned into Kuroo’s side, causing his voice to be muffled by the fabric of the taller man’s shirt.

“You know Lev,” Kuroo starts, staring down at Kenma. “He tends to be quick to forgive.”

“But this is really bad,” Kenma says quietly, turning to face Kuroo. His eyes are puffy and red, which confirms the other’s suspicions of his crying.

“I know.” Kuroo agrees, gently tucking a stray strand of hair behind his boyfriend’s ear. Kenma curls his arms around Kuroo’s waist, tight and protective. He’s sure Kenma is thinking about how different their lives would be if they had grown up in that environment. Kuroo doesn’t even want to entertain that thought.

“If I were him, I wouldn’t want to see me ever again.” Kenma finally says under his breath.

“I know.” Kuroo agrees again. If the roles were reversed, he knows that Kenma wouldn’t hesitate in distancing himself from Lev. The smaller man wasn’t necessarily one to hold grudges, but he was very particular about the company he kept, and anyone in the past who had made him feel bad about himself had been quickly cut off. “Which is all the more reason why you need to apologize to him. First.” Kenma nods. 

“Do you think he’d listen to me?” He asks quietly. 

“I think you don’t know unless you try.”


	6. Chapter 6

Yaku and Kuroo set up a time for the reconciliation to take place, discussing this with their partners as well, of course. They decide that since the fight happened at Yaku and Lev’s apartment, the apology should happen at Kuroo and Kenma’s, to even the “discomfort” playing field. Yaku and Kuroo also respect that they shouldn’t be in the room with the other two when they do get to talking. This is how Kenma and Lev end up sitting across from each other in the apartment living room as Kuroo and Yaku leave the apartment to grab coffee together. 

The two sit in uncomfortable silence for several minutes, not knowing what to say or how to start their conversation. Where Lev’s eyes are trained on the smaller man across from him, Kenma’s are stuck on the floor. Although Yaku had recommended letting Kenma speak first, Lev doesn’t know how much longer he can deal with this awkward silence.

“Kenma, I owe you an apo-”

“No.” Kenma cuts off firmly, eyes rising from the floor. “I think I owe you one first.” Lev’s eyes widen at this decisiveness, his mouth closing into a thin line. The taller man settles back into the couch, holding his gaze on Kenma still. After the initial statement, the silence returns and it takes all of Lev’s willpower to not speak. The only thing that keeps him from doing this is Yaku’s voice in the back of his head saying _“let him come to you”_. His mother used to always use this phrase whenever he was overzealous with his old cat as a young child. Kenma really was cat-like, and Lev knew it was important to give the smaller man space and make him feel comfortable enough to say what he wanted to say. So Lev stays silent, giving Kenma the time he needs.

“I,” Kenma begins slowly. He pauses for a second more as if he were putting the sentence together in his head. “I was so ignorant. I could never understand how you’ve felt, Lev.” The taller man’s face is stony as he listens to Kenma. 

“Everything I said, I don’t believe any of it,” the shorter man continues. “I felt really defensive and I just said what I thought would end the conversation as quickly as possible.” Lev can understand this. It doesn’t make Kenma’s words hurt any less than they did before, but he understands where they were coming from more now.

“I know that isn’t any excuse,” Kenma says quietly. Lev notices how Kenma’s hands are wringing slowly in his lap. He had noticed that habit of Kenma’s during his second year when Kenma was the Nekoma captain. The shorter man suffered from stronger anxiety after Kuroo graduated, which was understandable, and this motion seemed to be a comfort for the smaller man. “I was being mean for the sake of hurting you, and that was horrible of me.” Lev nods again, sighing as Kenma says this. 

“I’m so, so sorry for that.” Silence falls over the room again and this time it’s Kenma’s turn to stare at Lev while the taller man avoids eye contact. Lev feels a tightness in his chest from Kenma’s apology and he doesn’t really know how to respond. He doesn’t feel immediately better after the apology, which was rare for the taller man.

“Thank you for apologizing,” Lev finally says after several silent minutes, still looking away from Kenma. “It means a lot that you have realized how much your comments have hurt me.” Kenma nods across from the taller man, his hands still wringing in his lap.

“But speaking honestly,” Lev continues slowly, turning his gaze to meet Kenma’s. “I think it might take some time for me to fully forgive you.” Kenma’s hands stop moving in his lap and his eyes widen slightly, staring back at Lev. Tension fills the room, and Kenma feels his face begin to heat with that feeling of strong shame once again. But Kenma holds Lev’s gaze because he knows that the taller man deserves that in the very least.

“I understand.” Silence sets over the two of them again, which lasts for several minutes as Kenma tries to bite back tears that are threatening to spill from his eyes. The last thing he wants is for Lev to feel guilty, he deserves to still be upset with Kenma.

“I’m sorry too,” Lev says quietly, breaking the silence. “I realized how I made you feel about your relationship with Kuroo. It wasn’t fair for me to judge something I’m not a part of.” Kenma nods at this too. His throat feels tight, but he appreciates this apology.

“Thank you for saying that.” The long-haired man says sincerely in response to the other man’s statement. “I forgive you.” Lev feels a weight lift off of his chest that he doesn’t realize he was harboring upon hearing this statement. A part of him also feels guilty for staying upset with Kenma, but he knows his own feelings and he hopes that Kenma understands that his trust has been breached. And regardless, it wasn’t up to Kenma how quickly the taller man forgave him.

“I don’t think you’re a selfish person.” Lev continues. “You and Kuroo’s dynamic is just special. And it works well for both of you.” Kenma hums quietly in agreement. It really was a special dynamic, one that Kenma didn’t know what he would do without. Those articles were so painful to read, and the thought of going through life without Kuroo was so terrifying that he tried not to think about it for too long. If he had to live his life without Kuroo, he doesn’t think that life would be worth the trouble.

“And I don’t think you pressure Yaku into things. Especially not the engagement.” Kenma says seriously, pulling himself out of darker thoughts. “You guys have always had really open and honest communication.” Lev agrees with this, that was probably the part of his and Yaku’s relationship that he was most proud of. Despite having their dramatic and volatile moments, they could always come together at the end of the day and explain how they felt to each other. 

“And Yaku has always been secretly way more into you than you are into him,” Kenma says quickly before he even realizes he’s said it. Lev’s eyes widened comedically at this, a smile involuntarily spreading on his face. Kenma smiles softly in return, glad that the energy of the conversation is slowly shifting. “I’ve seen numerous texts proving this on Kuroo’s phone.”

“From Yaku?” Lev asks in disbelief, his volume higher than it had been minutes ago. “Yaku talks about me to Kuroo?”

“Yes, Kuroo shows the messages to me sometimes,” Kenma confesses. Maybe he was throwing Kuroo under the bus, but he had a sneaking suspicion that the taller man would just be happy with a reconciliation, regardless of the means that brought it about. “I think Kuroo really likes how happy you make Yaku too.”

“Really?” Lev asks brightly, his eyes practically sparkling from joy. 

“Yeah,” Kenma affirms, smiling wider now at his friend’s excitement. “You really do make him so happy, Lev.” Another silence covers the two of them, but this one is far more comfortable and bright. The tension seems to melt away as Lev grins to himself, thinking about how happy Yaku makes him. Kenma smiles too, but for Kuroo and how happy he is that the black-haired man was in his life. 

“Do you think we could try to put this behind us?” Kenma asks tentatively, looking back at Lev. The grey-haired man seems to contemplate this for a second, looking to the side.

“I think so.” The taller man finally says with a gentle smile. Kenma returns the smile.

When Yaku and Kuroo return to the apartment, they wouldn’t find Kenma and Lev in the living room where they had left them. Instead, they found their partners in the study, scrolling through Pinterest on Kenma’s computer monitor, pulling items into a new board titled “Lev and Yaku’s Wedding”. The larger man was grinning like a kid in a candy store, excitedly comparing color schemes and floral arrangements with Kenma, who sat next to him in the other desk chair, smiling. Maybe Kenma still didn’t understand his friend’s compulsion for marriage, but he was willing to learn and share in Lev’s joys nonetheless.


End file.
